YOUR abNORMAL COMPUTER USER CALLS
SITUATION #1
In Austin, Texas, a Dell Computer employee received a call from a user stating she could not
turn the new Dell computer on. Calmly, the employee made sure the computer was plugged in
and then proceeded to ask the woman if she pushed the power button. "I've pushed and pushed
on this foot pedal but nothing happens," the woman replied. "Foot pedal?" the technician asked.
"Yes," the woman said, "this little white foot pedal with the ON switch." The foot
pedal, it turn out, was the computer's mouse, a hand operated device that helps to control the
computer's operations.
SITUATION #2
The questions are often so basic that they could have been answered by opening the manual that
comes with every machine (like that's what those cute little books are for). For example, one
woman called Dell's toll-free line just to ask how to install batteries in her laptop (what an idiot).
When she was told that the directions were included with the manual on the first page, the
woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2000 for this damn thing, and I'm not going to read a book
(is it because she can't read or she's just lazy)."
SITUATION #3
The Compaq help center in Houston, Texas receives over 8000 calls on an average day. Another
example of consumer stupidity noted by another Compaq technician: "A frustrated woman calls
to say her new Contura wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, open it up
and sat there for twenty (20) minutes, waiting for something to happen. When asked what
happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "what power switch?" Even more
baffling to most consumers is the location of the any key when asked by the computer
to "Press Any Key To Continue." If the computer was looking for the any key, then it
would have said "Press The Any Key To Continue (get a clue, think for a change, God
gave you that brain for something)."
SITUATION #4
An AST technician pointed out that some consumers aren't used to the mouse. For example, a
woman called in complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The
dust cover was the protective plastic cover on the mouse. A Dell technician noted that one
customer complained his mouse didn't work. When asked if the mouse was on a flat surface to
activate the ball inside of it, the man stated he had been waving the mouse in front of the screen
(and we let these people vote (for Dole no doubt)).
SITUATION #5
A man called Compaq support to express concern that his 3.5" disk drive wouldn't read word
processing files from his 3.5" floppy diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat, the
technician asked the man what else was being done with the diskettes. The man replied, "I put a
label on the diskette, roll it into the typewriter...(and Charter Pines let him out???)" Another
caller into AST's help line complained of a defective diskette. The technician then asked the
caller to mail in a copy of the defective diskette. A few days later, the technician received a
Xerox copy of the defective diskette (not even going to touch this one).
SITUATION #6
Another call to Dell came in about the fax software it includes on most of its computers. The
customer was complaining it would send a document via the fax modem. After nearly an hour of
troubleshooting the hardware and software configurations, the technician discovered the
customer had been holding the document in front of the screen while pressing the key sequence
for send repeatedly to no avail.
SITUATION #7
Yet another call to the Dell support line about software. The customer called in needing help
setting up the new program. Being unfamiliar with the program, the technician referred the
customer to the local EGGHEAD store. When told that EGGHEAD was a local
computer store, the customer replied, "oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."
SITUATION #8
This Dell customer to cleanliness to a new standard. A customer called in stating his keyboard
no longer worked. The technician asked the customer if the keyboard had been cleaned recently.
The customer replied, "yes, I filled up the bathtub with soap and water. I then soaked the
keyboard for a day, and then removed the keys one by one to clean them."
SITUATION #9
Some people are so paranoid and insecure. For example, a man called Dell to complain that his
computer had insulted him. When asked what it said, the man replied, "it told me I was bad and
an invalid." After troubleshooting, the technician determined the program had performed an
illegal operation and was trying to let the man know this. The technician assured the customer
the computer had nothing against him.
This page was last updated on
Saturday, 18 March 2006
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